It was about 2 am and, as I laid there looking into the darkness contemplating how I was going to face tomorrow, I tossed and I turned with anxiety thinking how I was going to rob Peter to pay Paul, I could feel myself sinking deeper into the mattress as if I was slowly falling into a black hole, and my thoughts just kept spinning out of control.
It was a period in my life that I was in the final stages of my third foreclosure within a few short years. The house me and my teenage son was living in was about to be foreclosed on. What was I going to do, where were we going to live, what would happen to all my stuff if the sheriff comes in the morning and puts all my belongings on the sidewalk. What will my neighbors think?
To make matters worse I had just lost the job I had selling insurance because the feds closed the company down for deceptive practice. There I was in the midst of foreclosure, and not even the ability to negotiate with the bank because I had no form of income.
MY CHEATING WAYS AND THE DIVORCE
As I laid there looking into the darkness thinking about the unknowns that were to come, I felt so lonely. I felt as if it was only raining on my parade. I felt like I was the only one going through such a tough situation. I had no one to turn to, because I was also in the middle of a divorce, and because of my cheating ways I had broken up our family unit, so I had no one to share my burdens with.
THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK
As I laid there looking into the darkness I was disturbed by a loud car alarm that went off, and I thought to myself, will someone please turn that damn car alarm off, but it just went on, and on, and on, and on until…finally the alarm sound started fading into the distance, and I thought, thank god.
Having previously owned an auto accessory store I knew about car alarms, and one thing that came to mind as the alarm faded away was the fact that the car could not be driving with the alarm going off, so that must mean…oh shit.
I jumped out of the bed, ran across the hallway to my son’s room, looked downstairs in the parking space, and my black BMW 740 IL was not there. I ran downstairs swung the front door open, ran outside, and stood in the space where my Black BMW 740 IL was. My son who had followed me asked me ” dad where’s our car” and I said just go back to bed.
I also went back to bed, and as I laid there looking into the darkness, this time I felt myself sinking deeper into the mattress, I felt the black hole closing in on me, my shoulders felt heavy, and burdened, they came and repossessed my car like a thief in the night, and that was the last straw, because something strange started happening, something which I had not experienced since I was a young boy growing up in Jamaica.
THE TEARS WAS SETTING ME FREE
Tears started coming down my face, uncontrollable tears. I tried to stop them from coming, but it was useless, it seemed the more I tried the heavier it came flowing like a river running down my cheeks until I finally gave in and just allowed the tears to come freely, and something even stranger happened. As I gave in to the tears I suddenly felt my shoulders getting lighter. I felt my burdens lifting. I wasn’t having that sinking feeling anymore. Through my tears, I was being set free.
I WAS MEANT TO GO THROUGH THIS
Now I wanted to cry because I wanted to keep that feeling coming, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried. At one point, I felt as if I was crying for all the people who are not able to cry their own tears whether they are being oppressed, or because of culture, I felt it was my duty to cry for them, and then I felt good about the situation, because I suddenly felt like I was supposed to go through this. I felt like this was meant for me, this was meant to teach me so I could learn from this and help others who are in similar positions, but are unable to shed their own tears.
SUPERMAN TO THE RESCUE
Up to this day, I don’t know how I did it, but I made one leap out of the bed, and into the middle of the floor as if It was superman to the rescue, and I stood there with my fist clenched, my chest held high, and I felt powerful. And as I stood there in the darkness I made a decision to no longer be a victim. I made a decision that I was going to take 100% responsibility for my life, where I was, what I was, who I was, and I decided that if I wanted things in my life to change, I had to start by changing the things in my life.
NO LONGER A VICTIM
That was the moment I decided I was going to make a difference in this world, not just for me, but to help others to not go through what I went through. I decided I was going to live life on my terms, I decided I was going to have success as a business owner and entrepreneur and take control of my own financial destiny, and once I figured out how, I would show others how they can do the same.
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